Within the mid to late ‘90s, only a few British solo recording artists skilled the intense lights and dizzying highs of planet pop fairly like Anthony Kavanagh — higher recognized merely as Kavana. With a string of chart hits, excursions alongside world icons, and a loyal fanbase, the Manchester native appeared to have all of it. However behind the polished picture was a much more complicated story — one among private struggles, resilience, and reinvention.
Now, in his candid new memoir Pop Scars, Kavana lifts the veil on each the music trade and his non-public life, sharing the hardships that formed him as profoundly because the triumphs. Trustworthy, uncooked, and infrequently shocking, the ebook lays naked each the glitter and the grit of life within the highlight.
“I actually need to make it clear to those who this ebook isn’t a pity occasion, or a woe is me story of how onerous my life was after I was a popstar,” a cheery but candid Kavana tells me simply moments after wrapping up an look on Irish tv. “I personally suppose the extra fascinating chapters are those that delve into realities of coping with issues like habit, grief and loss. For me, these seasons of my life inform a much more necessary story than the anecdotes of me appearing out on the BRITs or having some random encounter with a film star at a showbiz occasion.”
“However I assume that fascination all of us have with fame and movie star is what garners probably the most consideration proper? And I get that, as a result of every time I’m studying a biography or autobiography, I need to know all the scandal and gossip too (laughs).”
I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO GIVE…
“I first thought of writing a ebook years in the past, however due to who I used to be, and the way I used to be functioning at the moment, it was by no means going to occur.” Alluding to his properly documented points with alcohol and habit, the ‘Funky Love’ singer continues: “Everyone’s relationship with mixing alcohol and creativity is completely different, however for me, writing and habit don’t go collectively! I can promise you, I’m by no means some kind of modern-day Ernest Hemingway, who can extensively drink a couple of bottles of wine an evening, after which prove their finest work… my preliminary efforts have been a catastrophe!”
After embracing sobriety in 2022, Kav says that while years of songwriting had taught him methods to seize emotion in brief bursts, crafting a full memoir required extra self-discipline, extra construction, and a special type of artistic stamina. To assist channel his concepts and keep on observe, he enrolled on a writing course, giving himself each the steering and accountability he wanted. The expertise not solely sharpened his abilities, but in addition gave him the boldness to deal with his story with readability and function, turning scattered recollections right into a cohesive and compelling narrative.
“Pouring alcohol into my system for all of these years zapped me all of my creativity,” Kavana admits candidly. “And after I felt like I wasn’t capable of be artistic anymore, the following two issues to vanish from my life have been my confidence and shallowness — and belief me, you want these traits and persona traits if you wish to put your self on the market and do one thing within the public eye. So enrolling on the writing course felt like the correct factor to do as a result of one, it could assist me to rebuild my confidence, and two as a result of it meant I used to be going to be round different writers and creatives.”
“And it was enjoyable, we had an actual giggle. There have been 12 different girls on the course, and me — that complete state of affairs may have turn out to be a ebook in itself, belief me (laughs). However in all seriousness, it was nice. My tutor was wonderful, she actually helped me to seek out my voice, and develop my writing type. Earlier than I met her, all I actually had have been these muddled recollections written up into little scenes. Below her steering I used to be capable of piece all the pieces collectively, and create extra of a imaginative and prescient for the way I needed the ebook to be.”
“I keep in mind saying to her at some point: ‘I’m not well-known sufficient to write down a ebook, no one will purchase it.’ And that’s when she advised me that if I needed this challenge to be extra than simply one other salacious movie star memoir, then I needed to lean into the kitchen-sink stuff, which means I ought to share extra of the tales and points that everybody can relate to. Whether or not that be speaking in regards to the relationship between me and my Mum, me exploring my sexuality, or these actual, darkish moments of being caught in habit.”
“That straightforward piece of recommendation helped me to see, and imagine, that I had a worthwhile story to inform.”
With a wealth of songwriting expertise below his belt, Kavana was no stranger to shaping phrases into extra highly effective and emotionally resonant prose. However moving into the world of ebook writing was a totally completely different artwork — one which demanded persistence, organisation, and a far deeper degree of storytelling than a three-minute pop track may ever permit. As an alternative of chasing hooks and melodies, he discovered himself piecing collectively long-form narratives, revisiting recollections, and sitting with feelings in a method that was each difficult and cathartic. The method wasn’t at all times simple, but it surely gave him a brand new artistic outlet — one which allowed him to mirror, heal, and share his story with an honesty that music alone may by no means totally seize.
“If you’re writing a ebook, there’s clearly no music, no melody, and no instrumentation concerned, so that you’re relying purely on the ability of phrases to convey emotions and feelings to the reader,” a considerate Kavana explains. “Meaning you must suppose extra fastidiously about the kind of language you employ, and the way one thing reads aloud, somewhat than simply going with no matter rhymes or synchs to the beat of a backing observe.”
“If you’re writing a track, you’re writing to extra of a components, so there are set parameters you must work to. However with a ebook, there aren’t any guidelines actually — you simply get right into a zone, and write till you run out of steam, or the subject material turns into too painful.”
Of the pangs of unhappiness he felt trying again on sure eras of his life to this point, Kav provides: “In fact there are issues I want I hadn’t achieved, and conditions that I remorse. Sure relationships ended earlier than I hoped, and a few profession stuff didn’t work out, so yeah, reliving these moments while writing the ebook was robust, however truthfully, fretting over the previous, and worrying in regards to the future are two issues I’ve achieved all through my total life, so in a method it was no completely different to how I’m each different day (laughs).”
“I carried numerous guilt for a very long time, and due to that I’d typically downplay numerous my achievements, I’ll maintain my palms up and say, that’s one thing I’m positively responsible of doing. However on the flip facet of all of the unhappiness, it was additionally good to mirror and look again on my popstar days — it jogged my memory that my story isn’t all doom and gloom.”
SOMEBODY SAID THAT I WOULD BE THE KID TO GO ALL THE WAY
Placing all of these misplaced selections, perceived failures, and disappointments to at least one facet, it’s necessary to recollect Kavana not only for the non-public struggles, and battles with habit that marked sure intervals of his life, however for the real expertise and success that first propelled him into the highlight. Within the Nineteen Nineties, he rose to fame together with his distinctive voice, magnetic charisma, and chart-topping hits that resonated with a large viewers, incomes him a spot in pop historical past. His artistry and skill to attach with listeners are legacies that deserve recognition past the difficulties he later confronted.
“I liked being a popstar,” Kav says with out lacking a beat. “I got here on the scene proper when pop music was on the cusp of turning into big once more. You’d obtained Take That, the Spice Ladies, Boyzone, and the Backstreet Boys, all of those unbelievable acts dominating the charts, and taking on the world! It was an unbelievable time in British music, and I assume, in my very own little method, I used to be part of it, and that feels good… pardon the pun.”
“I used to be on the BRITs in ’97 when Geri Halliwell wore that Union Jack gown! I toured with Boyzone, I dressed up as Clark Kent / Superman and carried out at The Smash Hits Ballot Winners Social gathering, I received a Smash Hits Award, I travelled the world, I met my idols — the listing goes on! It was all a little bit of a whirlwind, however a extremely enjoyable one.”
Pausing for a second to mirror, Kavana concedes: “Do know what the issue with me is? I’m a realist. So I at all times need to be trustworthy and upfront about issues. So pay attention, yeah, in fact of the popstar years have been enjoyable, however a lot of the music trade is predicated on bravado and picture, and numerous what you see isn’t actual. What helped me to realised that? Once I noticed that my Smash Hits Award was made out of tin somewhat than gold… gutted (laughs).”
Kavana Dwell at The Smash Hits Ballot Winners Social gathering 1997
As a society, we’re typically led to imagine that cash and fame are the last word cures for disappointment, ache, or insecurity — that success within the focus will someway erase the struggles of on a regular basis life. However the fact is, wealth and recognition don’t at all times assure happiness or fulfilment. As a rule, they’ll enlarge present challenges, leaving individuals to confront the identical doubts and difficulties, just below a brighter, harsher gentle.
“I assumed as soon as I’d gotten myself a supervisor, a document deal and a few good songs recorded, success would comply with virtually immediately, after which I’d be happiest particular person on the planet,” Kavana muses. “However I wasn’t. Chances are you’ll properly get swept up in all the chaos and the relentless workload, however the points and issues you might have don’t simply go away as a result of a few strangers on the road know your title.”
“The late 90s have been complicated for me, there was rather a lot happening in my head. I used to be scuffling with my sexuality, and I used to be lonely… however how may I really feel something aside from utter pleasure as a result of my goals have been coming true? Feeling the rest would have simply made me an ungrateful brat proper? So I advised myself I needed to put my head down, get on with issues and suppress my feelings and anxieties as finest I may.”
As he himself admits, music was Kavana’s saviour and lifeline — a sanctuary away from the chaos of fame and the interior struggles he was combating to beat. Within the noise of public consideration and the burden of non-public battles, it provided him readability, escape, and a way of grounding.
“Music was my factor rising up, it offered me with an escape and it opened my eyes to a complete different world — one I needed to be part of, one I wanted to be part of it. I nonetheless can’t fairly imagine I discovered a solution to make that occur…”
“I used to be prepared to stroll by means of a brick wall to make my dream turn out to be my actuality.”
YOU GOTTA REACH OUT FOR THE HIGHEST STAR
Regardless of having no trade connections or insider benefit, Kavana managed to carve out a spot for himself within the cutthroat world of pop purely by means of willpower, uncooked expertise, and an unshakable perception in his goals. Lengthy earlier than “manifesting” turned a buzzword, he was already residing it — visualising success, placing himself in the correct locations, and holding onto the understanding that he was destined to be on stage. His rise was much less about privilege or luck, and extra about sheer willpower, proving that typically probably the most highly effective software an artist can have, is the conviction that their imaginative and prescient will turn out to be actuality.
“I cringe even saying it, however possibly I used to be ‘manifesting’ earlier than any of us actually knew that manifesting was a factor,” Kav laughs rolling his eyes. “Way back to I can keep in mind, I walked round telling everybody I used to be going to be a popstar! Possibly I used to be delusional and overly cocky, however I used to be adamant that I used to be going to be managed by this one explicit man, and that at some point I might be on High of The Pops, and the quilt of Smash Hits, and… I don’t know the way, however all of these issues occurred. There have been some sliding doorways moments in fact, and I positively labored onerous and hustled my method into numerous rooms, however like I wrote within the ebook, regardless of the chances stacked towards me, I believed in myself, and I used to be prepared to stroll by means of a brick wall to make my dream my actuality.”
“As we’ve already mentioned, I had an excellent time — the 90s have been numerous enjoyable — however I quickly realized that ‘popstar fame’ can typically be fleeting, and there’s no denying that after ‘Will You Wait For Me?’ obtained to quantity 29 within the charts in 1999, curiosity in me and my music began to dwindle — the cellphone wasn’t ringing as a lot, my schedule was starting to decelerate, not one of the massive TV reveals or magazines appeared to need me anymore, and everybody round me felt to be pulling away. Finally I obtained dropped by my document label, and… that was it.”
“It’s a must to keep in mind, all I’d ever needed to be was a popstar! I didn’t have a plan B, or something to fall again on. So after I’ve obtained individuals telling me my dream was over, I used to be crushed. I do know there are far, far worse issues that may occur to an individual, however I’ll be trustworthy, at the moment it felt like my life was over.”
I GOT A ONE WAY TICKET OUT OF INNOCENCE
After parting methods with Virgin Information on the daybreak of the brand new millennium, Kavana may have simply adopted the acquainted route taken by a lot of his friends — popping up for the odd public look, making an attempt his luck at presenting, or venturing into musical theatre, earlier than finally fading into the huge pop abyss. However following the gang was by no means Kav’s type. As an alternative, he doubled down, packed his baggage, and set his sights on Los Angeles with nothing however grit, expertise, and the audacity to chase larger goals. On reflection he now says the transfer was much less about escaping his previous, and extra about reclaiming his narrative somewhat than letting the trade dictate his destiny. And so, at simply 22, he charged in the direction of his future with the identical spark that first made him a star.
“I wasn’t ready to let ‘failed popstar’ be my destiny, I simply wasn’t having it,” a defiant Kavana explains of his determination to up sticks and go away the UK. “I had aspirations and different goals I needed to fulfil. Okay, issues hadn’t labored out for me in Europe with the second album, however I used to be having fun with unbelievable success in Asia, notably with songs I’d written with American songwriters and producers, in order that gave me the boldness to discover the potential of working with different musicians and creatives within the States.”
By his personal admission, relocating to LA additionally gave him the chance to expertise a totally completely different lifestyle, one far faraway from the UK pop scene. And so, away from the pressures of the music trade, he was capable of breathe, reset, and start to really discover himself, surrounded by new cultures and artistic vitality, affording him the liberty to develop each personally and artistically.
“I discovered peace in LA, and I loved having extra management over my life,” Kav smiles. “I moved into an unbelievable condominium, I started courting for the primary time after which discovered myself in a correct, loving relationship — it was like I used to be residing out my faculty or college years however in my 20’s, and it was great.”
“There was a lot hope and optimism in these early days, I felt like I’d been given a second likelihood. Actually I keep in mind being on Sundown Boulevard at some point, the solar was shining, and I simply seemed up on the sky and stated: ‘thanks God for my life’.”
With the fantastic thing about hindsight, we marvel how does Kav look again on that interval of his life now? “I name these my ‘halcyon days’ (laughs). I did some nice work out in America, and I used to be given some incredible alternatives. It was a superb time in my life, I imply in the direction of the tip issues have been a bit bleak, primarily as a result of I used to be starting to expire of cash and behaving in methods I shouldn’t… so when my visa was up for renewal I made a decision sufficient was sufficient, and it was time to return again residence.”
THIS WAS MY DREAM
With the discharge of Pop Scars, Anthony Kavana efficiently manages to free himself from the shackles of his previous.
Via candid tales, uncooked recollections, and insightful reflections, he delivers a profoundly trustworthy memoir that refuses draw back from ache, but additionally celebrates the enjoyment, humour, and resilience which have outlined his story. It’s a strong reminder that the boy who as soon as appeared untouchable was, in actual fact, achingly human.
“I don’t need to sound corny, or for individuals to suppose I’m simply reeling off a bunch of clichés for the sake of promoting a ebook, however I actually have learnt rather a lot about myself all through this complete course of,” Kav says with a half smile, half grimace. “I’m far more resilient than I assumed, and I’ve found the significance of getting compassion, not only for others, however for myself too.”
Shifting the main target away from himself, he provides: “However possibly none of that is really about me. Possibly that is extra about individuals realising that life is all about discovering silver linings, and believing that change is feasible, regardless of how unhealthy issues get — you simply should have hope.”
Pop Scars: A memoir on fame, habit and the darkish facet of 90s pop by Anthony Kavanagh, is out now, £22 (Blink Publishing), additionally obtainable in eBook and Audio (learn by the creator).
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