Melani Sanders is over it.
She’s over meticulously making use of make-up earlier than leaving the home or, even, having to put on a bra when working errands. She’s over losing time plucking chin hairs, looking for mind fog-induced misplaced studying glasses and — most of all — withholding her opinions in order to not offend others.
As a 45-year-old perimenopausal girl, Sanders is now not looking for exterior validation and is over people-pleasing.
The dedication web page in her new e-book sums it up finest: “To the a— who instructed me I had a “laptop field booty.”
Who is that this dude, and is Sanders fearful about offending him?
She doesn’t care.
Creator, Melani Sanders, in an outfit she sometimes wears in her social media movies.
(Surej Kalathil Sunman Media)
That’s Sanders’ mantra in life proper now. Final 12 months, the West Palm Seaside, Fla.-based mom of three based the We Do Not Care Membership, a web-based “sisterhood” into the thousands and thousands of perimenopausal, menopausal and post-menopausal girls “who’re placing the world on discover that we merely don’t care a lot anymore.” Sanders’ social media movies function her trying matted — in a bathrobe and studying glasses, for instance, with extra pairs of studying glasses hanging from her lapels — whereas rattling off members’ feedback about what they don’t care about anymore.
“We don’t care if we nonetheless put on skinny denims — they stretch they usually’re snug,” she reads, deadpan. “We don’t care if the towels don’t match in our home — you bought a rag and you bought a towel, use it accordingly.”
Sanders’ on-line neighborhood of fed up girls grew quickly. She introduced the membership in Could 2025, and it has greater than 3 million members internationally; movie star supporters embrace Ashley Judd, Sharon Stone and Halle Berry. It’s a welcoming, if sudden, area the place girls “can lastly exhale,” as Sanders places it. The rallying cry? “We don’t give a f—ing s— what anybody thinks of us anymore.”
That’s additionally the message of Sanders’ new e-book, “The Official We Do Not Care Membership Handbook: A Scorching-Mess Information for Girls in Perimenopause, Menopause, and Past Who Are Over It.” The e-book is a component self-help e-book, with details concerning the perimenopause and menopause transition; half memoir; half sensible workbook with instruments and sources; and half humor e-book, brimming with Sanders’ uncooked and genuine comedic model. (It features a membership card for brand spanking new membership inductees and cutout-able patches with slogans like “lubricated and sexy” or “talking your reality.”)
We caught up with Sanders whereas she was in New York to advertise her e-book and admittedly “overstimulated from all of the horns,” she stated. However she simply. Did. Not. Care.
This interview has been edited for size and readability.
The We Do Not Care Membership happened after you had a meltdown in a grocery store car parking zone. Inform us about that.
I used to be within the car parking zone of Complete Meals. I wanted Ashwagandha — that was my holy grail on the time for my perimenopause journey, and I used to be out of it. I acquired again in my automotive and checked out myself within the rear view mirror. I had on a sports activities bra that was shifted to 1 aspect. My hair was extraordinarily unstructured. I had a hat on and socks mismatched — I used to be an actual sizzling mess. Nothing added up. However in that second, I spotted that I simply didn’t care a lot anymore. I simply stated, “Melanie, it’s a must to take the stress off, girlfriend. It’s time to cease caring a lot.” I made a decision to press the document button and see if anybody wished to hitch me in beginning a membership referred to as the We Do Not Care Membership. I launched the video and drove dwelling, which took about 20 minutes, and by the point I acquired dwelling it had [gone viral].
You bought a whole lot of 1000’s of recent followers, internationally, inside 24 hours. Why do you suppose the submit resonated so enormously at that second?
I needed to dissect that as a result of it was type of unreal. Like, what’s it about nation, outdated Melanie that hit document and requested about somewhat membership that she thought perhaps 20 or 30 girls would wish to be a part of? Over the summer time, I studied this and did extra movies and I listened. It was the relatability. It was the understanding. It was simply letting my guard down and simply saying it out loud. Talking my reality. Additionally, for a lot of girls, we have now this silent stress to get all of it finished. However we’re at capability. Within the e-book, I discuss how, as soon as I used to be in perimenopause, I didn’t wish to have intercourse with my husband. I didn’t wish to see my children — like, everybody simply shut the door! And that’s type of shameful, you recognize? It’s not like I don’t love my household. I actually do. However I can’t do all of it anymore. And I simply suppose that resonated with a number of sisters all through the world. It was like: Now could be the time for us to simply explode and I believe all of us did it directly.
“The Official We Do Not Care Membership Handbook.”
(William Morrow)
You entered perimenopause (or “Miss Peri,” as you name it) at age 44, after a partial hysterectomy. How did your life change after that?
I didn’t count on it. I knew that I had fibroids and I used to be uncomfortable due to that. So once I had the hysterectomy, I used to be anticipating to now be an entire particular person once more afterwards. However I simply went into this darkish place. It was such as you’re preventing towards your self to simply be regular once more. And your physique is altering in so some ways. For me, that was the recent flashes, the insomnia, the melancholy, the craze. My joints have been actually, actually stiff impulsively. It’s like, ‘wait a minute, how and why?!!’ And [I got] frozen shoulder. Frozen shoulder was how I found I used to be in perimenopause as a result of I used to be not instructed by my physician who carried out my hysterectomy that this might occur. And I didn’t know the place to show or the place to go as a result of I used to be simply being instructed the whole lot was regular. I used to be so annoyed with the method, the shortage of training, the shortage of sources. The dearth of compassion, I might even say.
Your e-book and social media movies are so humorous. Do you’ve a comedy background?
I don’t, and I get requested that always. I simply say what’s on my thoughts and generally, I suppose, it comes out humorous — however I’m not making an attempt. The [wearing multiple pairs of] glasses: I try this as a result of, with perimenopause, my eyesight went dangerous actually rapidly. I used to be out in public at some point and I couldn’t learn. I used to be simply traumatized. So each time I might see glasses, I might simply put them on me as a result of I don’t wish to get caught with out them. That neck pillow, once I acquired frozen shoulder, I used to be utilizing it loads. Then at some point once I hit document, I had the neck pillow on and I simply didn’t care. And it caught.
You’ve appeared on TV, been featured in publications, and Folks journal named you creator of the 12 months for 2025. What has this sudden fame been like for you?
It’s surreal. I’ve not utterly processed it but. It’s loads to absorb. I’m simply an on a regular basis girl that determined to press document and by chance began a motion. Impostor syndrome is there on occasion. However I’m simply making an attempt my finest to simply accept the whole lot that’s happening — and maintain simply being Melani.
Has the overwhelming response from new members fueled your personal resolve to be true to your self or in any other case modified you personally?
It completely has. It’s the energy that the sisterhood offers me. As a result of I’m very scared. , the e-book is popping out. And the tour is bought out in a number of cities. That is all inside an eight-month span. It’s loads. However when everyone seems to be saying they love you, and when you’ve a bunch of ladies that understands you and feels the way in which that you just really feel, completely, there’s energy in numbers. Now I don’t care about making errors.
You reside in a really male family. What do your sons and husband consider all this?
As soon as I made a decision that I didn’t care anymore, I simply anticipated for them to type of permit issues simply to go to hell round the home — nevertheless it was fairly the other. All three of my sons and my husband, they’re simply very supportive. As a result of it was very unhappy for me. It was very laborious to not wish to watch films or something and simply be on my own. However they rose to the event they usually be certain that issues are finished after they’re dwelling. They actually present how they love their mother throughout this time.
How can different males turn into allies to the ladies they love in the course of the menopause transition?
Simply both get out of our manner or, you recognize, simply type of learn the room! As a result of we don’t know who we’re from daily. We don’t know what’s gonna ache. We don’t know what’s going to harm or what’s going to itch or what’s going to be dry. And if it’s an off day, then darling, it’s simply an off day — and it’s OK.
What are some issues that you just do nonetheless care about enormously?
I care about sisterhood. As a result of when girls bind collectively, it’s a recreation changer. We’ll transfer mountains. I simply suppose that, on this world, there’s a lot stress, a lot overstimulation. So I care about having the ability to dwell authentically. To be at liberty. To be OK with who you’re. Inside WDNC, the 2 issues that I positively wish to convey that I care about is: that you’re sufficient. And you aren’t alone. And naturally I really like my children. I really like my household immensely.
The place does the WDNC go from right here? What’s the longer term?
Retreats. That’s positively a dream. To have a weekend retreat the place girls can come and the one factor that it’s essential deliver is a few clear underwear and a few pantyliners! (You’ll be able to’t have a superb, laborious snigger or a superb sneeze or a superb cough with out pissing your pants.) No make-up, no nothing, simply come and be free. I need three totally different rooms. One would be the rage room and also you’ll go in there and simply throw stuff round and scream and punch, no matter you need. Then a quiet room. No speaking, no nothing, simply silence. And the final room would be the “Let that s— go room.” That’s the place we’ll put the whole lot that we have now in us, that we’re holding onto that’s maintaining us from dwelling a blissful and peaceable life, and write it down and let it go. I simply wish to contact sisters and allow them to know it’s OK. We’re OK. I’ve my s— I am going by way of. You might have your s— you undergo. It’s OK. Let’s dwell.
