Artist Reveals How Transition Alleviated Stage Anxiety and Renewed Passion
Kae Tempest, the acclaimed poet, rapper, musician, playwright, novelist, and essayist, has spoken candidly about how embracing their gender identity has profoundly impacted their artistic expression and performance anxiety. For years, Tempest experienced debilitating panic attacks on stage, a symptom of a deep disconnect between their public persona and private self.
At 28, Tempest achieved significant recognition as the youngest recipient of the prestigious Ted Hughes Award for their epic poem, “Brand New Ancients.” Their subsequent solo albums, “Everybody Down” and “Let Them Eat Chaos,” earned Mercury Prize nominations, highlighting their consistent artistic excellence. Collaborations with industry heavyweights like Rick Rubin and accolades such as a Brit Award nomination and a Silver Lion at the Venice International Theatre Festival underscore their multifaceted talent.
The Toll of a Disconnect
Tempest, now 41, reflected on how their prolific creative output, while a source of pride, also served as a means of avoidance. “I think I was hiding in my work,” Tempest stated. “As long as my work was going all right, I could deal with the fact that when I was back from tour, I often would collapse and wouldn’t be able to move and would go into some kind of depression.” This pattern masked the significant toll on their mental and physical health.
The artist described a period where they believed their struggles were manageable as long as they didn’t impede their professional obligations. “As long as it didn’t show up on the tour bus, or it didn’t show up when I was sitting at my desk with something to deliver, or as long as it didn’t come into the studio, I could kind of think that it was just normal,” they explained. “But finally, when it turned up at work, which for me is my reason for being, that’s when I realised that something was different because I was unable to function.”
This internal conflict manifested as persistent stage fright and panic attacks, a challenge Tempest navigated for many years. However, affirming their gender identity last year has reportedly brought about a significant shift, leading to a renewed love for live performance.
Reclaiming Euphoria and Selfhood
Tempest described music as a lifelong sanctuary: “When I was younger, [music] was always the place where I could flourish and thrive,” they said. “Being behind a mic on stage was the place where I kind of left everything behind and went to the divine – it was really the most euphoric, uplifting, connected place for me.”
The artist expressed profound relief at this renewed connection: “I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to feel like I’ve come back. I’ve been gifted a selfhood that I didn’t really have access to before.” They elaborated, “Or, like, it was there, but I couldn’t really reach him.”
This gender euphoria is not solely an internal experience; it also shapes Tempest’s interactions with their audience. “It’s so wonderful to go out on stage at the moment,” Tempest shared. “I’m back in the room and I can use all of the things that I’ve learned over 20 years of being on stage.”
Navigating Voice Changes and Embracing the Future
Tempest’s most recent album, “Self Titled,” has been met with widespread critical acclaim. The work serves as an ode to the transgender and gender diverse community, offering insights into their personal transition and advocating for acceptance amidst rising anti-trans sentiment. This album also marks a new chapter in vocal exploration, as Tempest adapted to a more masculine vocal register following medical transition.
Initially, the prospect of vocal changes caused apprehension. “It’s kind of like an instrument you’ve played before, but slightly new,” Tempest noted. “I was working with my voice the way it was for a long time and there’s things about my voice post transition that I haven’t yet got my head around, but it’s exciting. It’s total joy. It feels great.”
Fear surrounding vocal transformation had previously deterred Tempest from transitioning. “I used to think, ‘Oh, I’ll never be able to transition, I’ll never be able to do it’,” they admitted. “[Or] like ‘maybe when I’m out of the public eye, maybe when my career’s over’ … maybe when I’m 60 or something [and] I don’t want to make music anymore.”
Reflecting on these past anxieties, Tempest stated, “I was reminded of that the other day by a friend and I just thought, ‘F***ing hell’. The panic and the fear and the idea of letting people down or being rejected or the violent fear of what would happen to my voice, all of that anxiety … And really what’s happened is I’ve just got new space to play and a better feeling in my being. My voice is an extension of my soul, so all round it feels good.”
Standing Against Transphobia with Joy
Tempest, based in London, is navigating a cultural landscape marked by increasing anti-trans rhetoric and policies. Despite these challenges, Tempest remains resolute in their refusal to be unduly affected by transphobia, viewing it as rooted in fear. “[It’s] just coming from a place of fear,” they asserted. “So, I don’t really need to receive it in my heart.”
Instead, the artist champions the importance of trans joy. “How wonderful and beautiful that in all of the millions of years that life has existed on this planet – 300 million years — and somehow here we are in this moment,” Tempest mused. “I feel truly awe-struck at that fact every day and I get to share this moment with so many wonderful other people.”
Tempest finds deep meaning in the outward impact of their personal journey. “How incredible to have gone through something, which is so private and personal, that seems to have also like an outward ripple towards other people’s lives and understandings of their own trans siblings, kids, friends – that’s mainly the thing that touches my being.”
Deepened Self-Connection and Future Endeavors
Beyond strengthening their connection to the trans and gender diverse community, Tempest’s transition has also fostered a deeper relationship with themselves. “I feel deep relief to be at this stage in my life where I can finally inhabit my body and have a bit more awareness of my reality,” they stated. “There was a kind of numbness at the base level of [my pre-transition] life off stage. I think the biggest change has been that my real life has opened to me.”
In addition to their current Australian tour, Tempest has completed their second novel, “Having Spent Life Seeking.” The novel features a gender-diverse protagonist, Rothko, who returns to their hometown to confront their past and build a future. Tempest described the writing process as “years and years of … deep, brain-breaking work.”
Following the demanding writing process, Tempest is looking forward to a period of rest after the “Self Titled” tour concludes. “I’m looking forward to … refilling the reservoir a little bit before immediately trying to produce more,” they said. “I just want to be thankful for what I have received so far in this really abundant couple of years of work.”
Looking ahead, Tempest has already begun developing new material. A previously started record, though not quite ready for release, is being revisited. Tempest shared an anecdote about seeking advice from producer Fraser T. Smith, who suggested the project needed more time. “He just said, ‘The songs are great, but it’s just not right for right now,'” Tempest recalled. “I know [the record] will find its way into the light at some stage.”
Tempest also noted that this evolving record might undergo its own transformation, akin to their personal journey. “I was working on demos for [the record] as my voice was changing. Track by track, I can hear this like the thickening of the vocal cords,” they laughed. “I understand that the gestation period is different to other things that I’ve worked on because maybe they’re going to become something completely different once they’ve fully developed. I don’t know.”
Kae Tempest’s Australian tour commenced in Perth on Thursday, with subsequent shows scheduled for Melbourne, Brisbane, and Sydney. The album “Self Titled” is available now.
